November 30, 2009: Oh, the days dwindle down

So this is officially the start of "Week 3," which is weird and frightening- time is moving differently for me here: the short winter days, the first week marred by jetlag, the lack of a 9-to-5 schedule. It's hard being away from home this time of year- every time I pass a florist shop that has Christmas trees for sale, I ever so quickly think about, and then dismiss, the ridiculous idea of buying one. Many streets have lights hanging, and of course storefronts have their decorations up, and Paris has a nice wintry festive spirit right now...so I'm trying to absorb that when I'm out and about and not get too sentimental!

Yesterday, I had a brief trip up to Rouen where I have family. We took a lovely walk around town in the late afternoon, and it's easy to see why artists have been so inspired by this cathedral! Gorgeous. Rouen also has a little market set up in this central square with vendors and mini-carousels, etc.

Trying to concentrate on the music is hard with all of this stuff going on outside and also some bad news from home (not one, but two "puppies" [who are actually teenage dogs] are nearing the end, and I hope I can see them before they go). I'm trying to remember the feelings I had last week after hearing beautiful concerts/seeing artwork...it's this art that can help sustain us at times, and it certainly helps motivate me to keep up my practicing and education!

I am happy to be getting really started on another project I've had in mind for a while; I have several ideas for opera libretti or song cycles, and I brought some research along with me. It's very much in the early stages...but I find it hard to believe that there hasn't been an opera written yet on Irish themes of mythology and history. Maybe I'm one of only a few people who has any interest in this, but Ireland is just so operatic! So that's what I'm working on...just don't ask me to write the music!

November 27, 2009: La vie, c'est belle

I didn't exactly have the traditional Thanksgiving yesterday, but it was a wonderful day of experiencing the beautiful things in life. The things that make you forget, at least temporarily, all of the horrors in the world.

A: I had coffee with a facebook friend, who I had never really spoken to in real life. Kind of nice to overcome the apathy that facebook or other online networks can effect; I already knew a bunch of things about her by reading her profile, but it was nice to actually talk and get to know each other the old fashioned way!

B: I walked over toward the Musee Rodin, where I'd never been before and always heard it was fabulous. Well, it was. I don't know much about sculpture, and am not normally moved by it, but let me tell you that several of his pieces made me tear up. I don't know how he made marble and clay have such movement and intensity, but I'm sure glad he did. For stone to somehow capture human emotion (as in his piece Meditation) speaks to the power of the human mind, its creativity and spirit...

C: Walked to the Theater Champs-Elysees to get a ticket for a recital - Mattias Goerne singing Brahms' Die Schoene Magelone. He's not a household name like some of his opera-singing colleagues, but for people who like art song and oratorio, and especially German lieder, he's considered a current great [see here for some beauty: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUvfkWxsxZY]. I didn't know this piece too well, and it's very different from a normal vocal recital. The songs are interwoven into narration telling the old chivalric story of the wooing of the beautiful princess Magelone. The whole performance, involving the narrator, the singer, and the pianist, was a perfect example of chamber music/performance; they all contributed to the miracle- bringing to life something that was written ~150 years ago, with a story several centuries old. It too brought me to tears. Funny thing about French audiences that I've experienced so far - they don't seem to be that into it, but then they demand multiple curtain calls and cheer for several minutes.

Today I had another coaching. We tried on a few more arias for size, and I continue to feel excited to keep exploring what to put on my list. I went to a market street nearby, got my bottle of Beaujolais Nouveau to try, some more delicious bread, and chocolates to give as gifts. Went back to the music shop, and yes, bought a few more things. This time, I found more used scores that were in good shape and heavily reduced, so I couldn't resist! Then walked down to the Xmas street fair again just to be out and about on this sunny afternoon. I considered going to the opera again tonight, but I've seen a lot of concerts this week, and frankly a night off seemed like a good idea!

November 26, 2009: Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm doing all of nothing to celebrate the day here...not that I'm not thankful, intensely, for so many things right now, but without family to gather around a table, the holiday loses some of its magic. I will be seeing my family that lives in France this weekend, so that will make up for not doing much in the way of festivities today.

Yesterday was a productive day of cleaning the apartment- amazing how dusty such a small space can get. Of course not having screens on the windows helps; as does the fact that apparently a former tenant had a cat, and whoever cleans this place normally obviously doesn't do that detailed of a job. The intake for the heater and the baseboards were coated in cat hair. Mmm. Not that exciting perhaps, but it's so much better to sing and breath in a space that's a little less dirty.

I walked around part of the 5th arrondissment, seeing the lovely St. Etienne du Mont, which to my mind is more lovely architecturally than the Notre Dame. Past the impressive Sorbonne and the many other schools that are lumped in this neighborhood, all in a pretty steady rain.

My coaching today focused on Dorabella from Cosi fan tutte. I have a lot of work to do on the recitatives and some of the ensembles, but we made great headway on the duets and trio, and continued to explore Mozartean style. I love the music and it feels so good to be doing right!

Speaking of music done right, I saw a concert performed by members of the Opera Bastille's young artist program and the opera orchestra. It was a program of Berio, and Berio-arranged works by Weill and the Beatles. There had been a last minute cancellation by one of the singers, so two others took her place, and there were a few glitches because of this. But overall a very lovely concert, and always good to hear some new music. For percussionists, a question: would you rather be the one playing the vibraphone, kickdrum, glockenspiel, and 4 gongs, OR the one playing marimba, timpani, chimes, 3 gongs, and cowbells? (And I've only listed about a quarter of the instruments they actually play during the piece Circles). One of the percussionists got so into it at one point, he hit one of the little chimes off of his glockenspiel. Now that's commitment.

The street leading to my coach's home is lined with pretty creepy children's clothing shops (of the sort that are filled with cardboard boxes and have fluorescent lighting). Several of them have creepy mannequins, but these are the creepiest of all. Hard to tell from the photos, but the have yellow eyes, and obviously the girl lost an arm along the way. Is this really how you want to advertise your merchandise? Thankful this is not my street!

November 24, 2009: mes pauvres pieds

If I don't lose a few pounds on this trip, I'll know there's something wrong with me. I walk a lot today. I left this morning to go to the music store district; there is something so beautiful about a whole long block with almost nothing but luthiers and sheet music stores. And that there's a lutherie for violas, some specifically for les contrebasses... I didn't find what I was looking for, but I found a few other things (it's probably good that I didn't find everything, because I would definitely have to get another piece of luggage). It's also nice that music stores haven't disappeared completely. Trust me, I love the ease of going online to order sheet music, find almost everything you need in one place, but it's so nice to go into a store and browse, not to mention support a small business. I then walked down to the Avenue Montaigne, and felt like a total schlub walking by all Fendi, Vuitton, Escada, etc. in my New Balance sneakers...I was en route to a theater where there's a concert I want to see later this week, and I wanted to get a ticket in advance in case it was sold out. But of course the ticket office was closed.

I was so close to the Eiffel Tour, I decided to keep going for a little longer, and walked toward it along the Seine (this is going on hour 3 of walking). It was lovely and there were all ages of school children playing in the park at the base of the tower. Also passed the very cool plant-covered exterior of the Museum of the Quai Branly (see above)...this is kind of what my dream house might look like.

Spent the rest of the afternoon laying down for a bit, practicing. I tried to go to the opera again, this time for La Boheme, but was told there would be no more student tickets sold because the line was already so long. Will have to decide next time how long I want to stand in line...I think one really needs to get there 1.5 hrs before show at least.

I've had contact with a few more coaches/teachers, and my schedule for the rest of the trip is filling up quickly. Should be exciting : )

And just because: so much depends upon...

November 23, 2009: Un jour gris et pluvieux

I can't say much exciting happened today: it's nasty, cold, and wet outside, and my plan to take a long walk to the music shops was very unappealing. I stayed in and practiced this morning before my coaching, kind of wishing I had a pianist who could just follow me around and play whenever I needed. Sometimes practicing with a roll-up electric piano on your futon isn't particularly inspiring! Mostly, it's that if it's not on a hard surface, when you press one key, two notes often sound. I wanted to get more feedback on a number of arias, so I chose a few and focused on those. The coaching was good and aimed at fleshing out the rest of my audition package of 5 or 6 arias. Funny how just when you think you have a good list (if you'd asked me a month ago, I would have felt pretty confident about mine), somebody points out the flaws. The ideal is that every aria you offer at an audition should sound fantastic in your voice, have some personal interpretation, and that among the group you should be able to show contrasting qualities, styles, and languages. For a young singer (and I think some older ones) this is damnably hard. One ought not sing things that are too big, or in a language one's not so familiar with, but all the applications and websites demand it... not to go into a diatribe about this. On my list, I had three arias that were all kind of sad and slow. One of them I love, but is now feeling too low for me - the tessitura isn't quite right. So my coach advised to replace it with something that was more perfectly "me." Another reason I've been wanting to go the sheet music store is that he's recommended several things for me to look at. I've already entered a few competitions with arias that I now might want to change...sometimes you just have to stick with what you've got if you can't learn and perfect something new in time, or withdraw from a competition. I'll have to make those decisions down the line, but I'd love to have another aria that feels like a better fit.

After the coaching, it was really raining, and the walk to the stores definitely wasn't happening. All of sudden, trying to go see Twilight was a much more appealing option. And that's what I did. Can't say it was a good movie, but it was fabulous in it's own way. So many aching looks and tortured gestures. Funny that I wanted the books to be longer, but the movie to be shorter. Towards the end, the ridiculous "original" music got to be just too much.

Tomorrow, if all goes according to plan, I WILL get out and about more.

November 22, 2009: Dimanche

I finally had a close to normal night of sleep- well, I was still up until about 2am, but woke at a decent hour actually feeling ready to go. I practiced several things; after the first week here of coaching, I wanted to reprioritize what I brought to sing. I brought a few short roles and one huge role that I wanted to get feedback on, but I'm realizing one month is just too short to do all of that. I could spend all day in my room practicing and then maybe I'd be able to get through everything in my coachings, but that would kind of defeat part of the purpose of being here. No, this isn't purely a vacation for me, but it would be unhealthy for me to stay in this studio all day. And honestly, walking around and being a part of the culture of Paris is just as enlightening and educational as learning a new role.

Today for instance: after I practiced, I made my way down to the Bastille to see about maybe getting rush tickets to Salome. I found that the lovely neighborhood between me and Bastille turns into a pedestrian zone on Sundays, so it was a nice walk through the narrow streets filled with people looking into the many boutiques. I was early enough that I then walked around the other side of the Bastille for a while as well. I got in a line that appeared to be for people under 28 years old (kind of hard to tell when there's a huge throng of people!).

Finally, about 20 minutes before the performance, they start selling the remaining full price seats to the line I was in for a huge discount. I can only guess, but the seat I got was in the front of the orchestra, so it was definitely more than 100 euros, and I got it for less than a quarter of that! Huzzah. I love Salome and have studied it in classes a few times before, but had never seen it live. Very few (really no) sympathetic characters...but yes on the below-the-waist nudity and some very good singing. Salome was sung by Camilla Nylund, who ended up being fabulous, but I was a little distracted for the first part of the opera because something about her hair/costume and general characterization reminded me so much of Jennifer Saunders' character (Edina) on Absolutely Fabulous. Nylund's Dance of the Seven Veils was just so crazy and rather uncoordinated at times, that it seemed like something Edina would do.

It was one of those weather-can't-make-up-its-mind days:

sometimes sunny, sometimes a cold wind, sometimes sprinkling. When the opera ended, it was lovely and cold and just about winter twilight, so I decided to walk some more and ended up at the Notre Dame (ate a delicious citron crepe en route). I almost didn't go because there had just been a busload of people, but went in to find a service going on. It was an evensong, and the choir was singing so I stayed for while. The acoustics in there are spectacular.

Watching other singers is always educational, and today was a fine day of learning. I have some more coachings lined up this week, and possibly 2 auditions next, then Germany, and then it'll all be over! Trying not to think about that...

November 21, 2009: Hiver Wonderland

I spent much of the afternoon walking about, almost at random, and discovered a gaudy winter wonderland of stalls selling Gluehwein/Vin Chaud, scarves, churros, taffy, etc. along the Champs d'Elysees to the west of the Place de la Concorde. There was a little rollercoaster in the form of Santa's sleigh, and tons of piteous pine trees sprayed with the fake white snow stuff lining the street.

My trip started out less sugary; I wanted to find some place sort of nice to sit and listen to my recordings of the coachings I've had so far. I ended up on a bench near the Hotel des Invalides, with a view of the Eiffel Tower on the horizon and the Grand Palais across the Seine. I listened for about an hour, taking notes and probably looking mysterious. But it was a bit chilly with a breeze, so I took off across the river and that's when I found the aforementioned wonderland. It was just so surprising to walk past the ornate and grandiose facades of the Palais to suddenly come upon that Santa rollercoaster. I had just taken all of these wonderfully artistic black and white photographs coming across the Alexandre III bridge...

I meandered back up towards my 'hood via the Square de Madeleine which was decorated more tastefully for the holidays, and is filled with all sorts of shiny baubles and silky undergarments I'll never be able to afford (Cartier, Hermes, La Perla...etc.). But I stopped by a few of the fancy food shops and saw the most beautiful display of fruits ever. I could have gotten a little cup of blackberries for 10 euros, but I didn't want to throw off the symmetry of the display...right? I did indulge in a little Christmas shopping at Fauchon, which somehow makes it look reasonable to charge 150 euros for a box of chocolates. I got some very teeny boxes of other delicacies. All in all, a delightful afternoon.

Tonight I may indulge in some guilty Americana and see Twilight: Chapitre 2: Tentation (New Moon for the rest of us). I figure the dialog will be simple enough for me to understand the dubbing... ; )

Faure in Paris

On my “day off” yesterday, I was choosing what to practice and take for my coaching today- well of course nothing seemed more perfect than a set of Faure melodies. I am preparing a whole bunch of repertoire for competitions coming up in the next few months, some of which require songs in addition to opera arias, and I knew that I definitely wanted to work on the French set of songs while I was here. One always needs help perfecting foreign diction, but I was also hopeful that I’d get some insight into STYLE.

Boy did I. It was one of those times every musician or artist (or person) hopes for- when everything seems to come together and gel. We talked about how songs differ inherently from arias in that there’s no specific story to tell, and most songs happen so quickly that one can’t hope to express a complete story anyway. With the Faure songs we worked on, which are just so French, one must simply communicate a mood, and let the words and notes do the rest. The poetry slips by in a series of images like one of those old Kinetoscope films. Much of this 19^th-century French song was being written at the same time as Impressionist painters were working - capturing visual images as impressions, not as precise realist renderings. As I sang, we did away with the very studied French diction and rhythm, and went for one big phrase. Some of these songs only last for a minute or so, so it makes sense not to belabor any single clause or word or note. By the end, I felt like everything clicked, and some of this attitude and approach can be applied to my other repertoire. I sometimes try too hard!

Leurs course vestes de soie,

Leurs longues robes a queue,

Leur elegance, leur joie

Et leur molles ombres bleues

Tourbillonnent dans l’extase

D’une lune rose et grise,

Et la mandolin jase

Parmi les frissons de brise.

[from ‘Mandoline’ by Paul Verlaine]

We also bemoaned my fate of being American- with all of our back vowels and consonants, it can be very hard to manipulate our tongues to form what’s necessary for singing in other languages!

I was informed about the music street- where there are luthiers and sheet music shops aplenty, and I may have to stop by there this weekend. I already brought one whole suitcase of music with me, why bring back a little more? Right? I love sheet music.

A bit of explanation about the name: “lady-traveller” was a term that came into use in nineteenth-century England (hence the spelling with two ‘l’s) to describe a handful of women who travelled the world and made an income from their experiences, usually by selling their travelogues. The whole history of travel writing is quite fascinating, but I became taken with these lady travellers during my undergraduate studies and wrote my thesis about one of the more famous of them, Isabella Bird. Perhaps because they stepped beyond the confines of the domestic sphere in which they were supposed to reign supreme, and showed courageous curiosity to see and understand the world outside Britain, I feel a sort of affinity with them. Anyone of my family or friends will tell you I am nothing if not domestic- I love to cook, arrange furniture, decorate for holidays- but I always have a desire for a change of scenery after a while. I’ve been fortunate to get to travel a good deal in my life so far, usually just short bits of vacation, but in the past few years I have been singing abroad in various programs, and love the experience of working with all sorts of people with whom I would not normally come into contact. Two years ago, at a small program (International Singers Academy of the Elysium Between Two Continents Festival), I met and shared a dialog with a Phillipino Benedictine nun who shared my name! This is, I think, most every singer’s dream: to travel the world performing, being in rehearsal where you have to switch between 4 different languages to communicate, and to somehow still communicate all the beauty and passion and truth found in music.

My current trip to Paris is just another chapter in my search. I’m looking for guidance on what I need to improve, and seeking inspiration at every turn. Going home again means nothing if the lady-traveller has nothing to share.

This evening I saw an incredible performance. I was planning on getting a rush ticket to see Salome at the Opera Bastille but at the last minute decided to head over to the Opera Garnier where there was dance performance. It was simply titled after the three choreographers’ works which were featured: “Millepied/Paul/McGregor.” Suffice it to say that I cried with joy at the beauty of the dances.

I am no dance critic, but the pas de deux of the “blue” couple in Millepied’s piece “Amoveo” was heart-breakingly beautiful. It was extremely difficult, with many, many slow-motion lifts and holds and both dancers performed with amazing grace- controlled yet free. I love watching dance because it somehow reminds me of what I want to be as a singer. A dancer can’t do any move or even little connecting motion halfway because they will potentially injure themselves or their colleagues. In my coaching yesterday we spoke about follow-through and not letting any little note “drop” or get left by the wayside. I am guilty of the singer complex- worry about the high note, or the low note, or whatever single note has you worried, and therefore neglect the rest of them to a certain extent! A great performer sings every note, not just a glorious floated high whatever. Watching all of these fabulous dancers tonight reminded me of that again. Fluidity. Dancers have every part of their body to worry about. It would seem that singers have an easier job; mostly we just have to manage our breath. Anyone who has taken yoga understands that breath IS the body and can be subverted by all kinds of bodily stresses and unconscious actions. It sounds so much easier to do than it is for most of us. That’s why I’m still studying! Breath is freedom and control and is the only thing that makes the music happen. Got to remember that in my next lesson!

November 18, 2009: Soleil!

Yes, it was sunny today!

My coaching this afternoon was good- any other singer will empathize with this- but so totally draining. It was one of the ones where you stop and pick apart basically every other note and analyze what you're doing wrong. Part of it was that we worked on two Mozart arias, and his music is so good at revealing the slightest flaws. And when it's right it's so right! We worked on arias that I don't know as well (Deh, per questo istante solo from La clemenza di Tito and E Amore un ladroncello from Cosi fan tutte) so it made sense that I wasn't quite as secure on words and phrasing. The big message of the day was that I, as a performer, need to know what's coming up and think in bigger phrases, so it doesn't sound like I'm surprised by the music coming out of my mouth. Very useful for everything else too! Sometimes I get too bogged down in what I know I just messed up that then I continue to mess myself up...must never forget that music is temporal and you can't hold on to any single moment. My coach has said both yesterday and today that one can never hold onto music, that you must "Give! Give!" I think this is part of it too- if you aren't ready to perform, you will automatically hold onto parts of your music, checking to see if you sang the right words, did the ornament before the beat, whatever it was that you were worried about. It's hard to do this in coachings when you are in fact there in the midst of the learning process, not at the end of it, so you are by nature going to have some hesitation.

I met another young American singer who was having a coaching after me, and we are having coffee next week, so all hope is not lost- I won't go for a whole month without socializing!

After my coaching I was so tired, I was tempted to lie down again....But I rallied since the afternoon was so lovely, and made my way down to the Louvre. I'd been there once before several years ago. I am now the proud possessor of a Carte Louvre Jeunes which anyone under 30 years can purchase as a membership. Because I'm still under 26, mine was only 15 euros,

so even if I go there twice this visit, it will have paid for itself. My plan is that, on days when I don't have anything else scheduled, I'll want to get out of the house, and there are worse places you can go hang out than the Louvre. I have a lot of books, so even if I just go and read for an hour, it will be lovely.

I take it, from all the honking outside, that France just won the France-Ireland football match. Yes there were lots of guys on the street today wearing their green jerseys.

November 17, 2009: Il pleut

Yes, it was a gray, rainy day in Paris...and so far I'm 100% on needing a 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon. Yesterday I thought it was normal given the lack of sleep on the plane, but what was my excuse today?
Well, I did walk to the Opera Bastille this morning, mostly with the goal of getting out of the dorm room, I mean apartment. At the last minute I decided to make use of a contact there I'd been given, for an administrator at the Atelier Lyrique. I managed to tell the security guard who I was looking for and explain that I didn't have an appointment, and he managed to tell me that she wasn't there but would be coming in soon. Of course she rushed in and I didn't know who she was at the time...waited another 20 minutes, then finally the security guard mentioned me to her. Well, she didn't have time at the moment to talk, and explained that all the information was on the website...at least I got to sit down for a little while!

I grabbed a sandwich avec thon and the sandwich guy told me I didn't look like a French girl so he started speaking to me in English. Mind you that he was an immigrant himself. I decided to take that as a compliment (?) since French women smoke and probably have worse teeth than I do. Not saying that I wouldn't kill for the legs on some of these women stalking around on 4 inch heels in mini skirts. The Parisian woman who gets up one morning just not caring, maybe feeling a little under the weather, and just rolls out onto the street STILL looks 8 million times chicer than 99% of American women. It's just sad.

I had my first coaching today and it was great. I was still tired and warming up as I sang, etc., but it was very constructive. As hoped for, it's nice to have someone know so much about style tell what you're missing or have just forgotten along the way. I found I was working too hard, and that everything was there in the music should I choose to actually sing it as written. You get voice teachers and other professionals that tell you that's it's ok in certain places to do your own thing, not get stuck in the squareness of the rhythms, but then my coach today showed me that (duh!) Mozart knew what he was doing and you really can't ignore rhythm and meter, even in recitative, or you lose the character. I have another coaching with the same person tomorrow, so let's hope I can incorporate some of this and be a little more awake.

I'm a little worried about my apartment. I'm fairly sensitive to mold, and I think this place, particularly the tiny salle de douche, is coated in the stuff. The plumbing is kind of, shall we say, rickety? Did I mention that I'm not supposed to flush anything, even toilet paper, down the toilet? Oh yes, I have a little trash can filled with my used toilet paper. I'm sure that's not helping with the whole mold issue. Eww.

November 16, 2009: Arrival a Paris

It sounds crazy that I'm here in the first place; middle of a jobless recession, semi-employed and going to be without health insurance in a few months, not really even conversational in French, etc, etc., so why in the heck am I here?

I had the great fortune of meeting someone this summer at an opera training program who thought I might do well in France and was willing to share a great deal of information and assist in making contacts, so I figured how often do you have someone who helps you that way, and you'd be a damn fool if you didn't somehow act on it. So one purchase of Rosetta Stone French 1-3 and 3 months later, I'm actually here. I have arranged some coachings for myself with French coaches, who ideally will help me improve all of the little technical things that don't always get addressed in a voice lesson: diction, style, those seemingly obvious markings of forte or piu mosso. But other than that I'm on my own. No one is planning this crash course for me, and it's actually pretty scary that I'm in charge of this when I feel drained from so many other things in life.

One month ago I moved myself and my belongings from Baltimore, MD back to Denver, CO where I'm originally from and most of my immediate family still lives. I graduated from the Peabody Conservatory about 2.5 years ago now, and I, as seems to happen to many people, got sucked into Baltimore for longer than I planned. Sounds silly given its terrible roads and notorious crime levels, but Baltimore is actually a very easy, comfortable place to live. It's just big enough to feel like a city but not overwhelming like DC or New York can sometimes be. I

knew I didn't want to move to NYC, where so many young opera singers (and other performing artists) go simply because that's where all the auditions are. I could go on about my reasoning and why I stayed in Baltimore, but that's not necessarily relevant to the whole Paris trip thing. I've been adrift for a while now- moved 4 times this year alone- but that's not stopping me from trying to improve my personal artistry and find more opportunities to sing.

I got here this morning, after a sleepless transatlantic flight. My hope that the No-Jet-Lag pills would have the miraculous effect they'd had on my trip to Ireland earlier this year was in vain. Pills made of dandelion and chamomile can only take you so far I suppose! I'm going to give this day up to finding groceries, napping, and talking another walk, but I have my first coaching tomorrow so I've got to get ready for that too. Who scheduled this?!? [looks sheepishly at self].

I apparently landed myself smack dab in the middle of what is becoming Paris' Chinatown. My grandmother would love it; there are two Chinese groceries and so many restaurants within a block of me. And I can buy all the cheap leather goods and cubix zirconia I want!