December 29, 2009: As the days dwindle down

I was fairly shocked to hear and watch the post-Christmas spate of media reviews of the decade- I hadn't really been thinking of this year as the last in a group or as somehow the fitting conclusion of a period in life! It is a well-known fact in my family that New Years Eve is my least favorite holiday of the year, so I generally ignore its existence if possible. Watching a glittering ball drop, kissing somebody, anybody, and drinking too much champagne- are these really the best symbolic gestures we can come up with to signal the change in the calendar year and somehow give our lives some definition? Don't get me wrong, I love champagne (or cava, or prosecco, or sparkling whatever), but I think the holiday would really be much better if it had some of the winter solstice-like, druid-y, and nature-based ceremony to it. On occasion my family has chosen to spend New Years in the mountains cross-country skiing, and so far I think this is the best way to celebrate that can be found. Looking at the stars without light pollution, breathing in lung-fulls of cold mountain air, and falling repeatedly while attempting to ski down a 7% grade hill...these are things that make you want to start anew and refocus your life.

We did in fact go skiing a few days ago, and the scenery offered me a chance to compare/contrast my life here with the visit to Paris. I took a lot of pictures of buildings while there. And you'd think there would be limit on the number of times you can see the Eiffel Tower and want to capture it, but I don't think there is. Meanwhile, here in Colorado, there is no shortage of wonder to feel at the miracle of fresh snow on the ground and a clear, electric blue sky.

But it is cold outside, and after the pause of a few days to really enjoy spending time with my family and celebrate Christmas holidays, I'm back to the stress/good motivation of having to learn and memorize a bunch of music. I'm finally feeling 98% better after a round of antibiotics and nasal spray, so I can sing and practice and drill lines. Any singer can empathize with the weird paradox of having deadlines- when you don't have any audition or concert coming up, you feel more relaxed about practicing but also less motivated. So I haven't really taken time to ponder and philosophize about all the feedback I received in Paris/Germany because there's music to be learned! The wonderful thing about the human mind is that it can multi-task and I'm trying to incorporate some new ideas as I polish the new music. The first few months of next year are full of singing, so I know I'll need to carry this energy with me.

And when I get tired of staring at all of the little black dots and lines, I get to look up at a blue sky.

Greetings, Fellow Singers and Vocalists!

Since I am new to the world of blogging, it is rather exciting to read and see all of the blogs out there written by friends, colleagues, and teachers. My undergraduate opera director and choir conductor has just started one, and it looks to be fabulous:

Greetings, Fellow Singers and Vocalists!

December 17, 2009: Back in the Saddle

I'm back in Denver...after a long day of travel on Monday in which I missed my connection, fortunately made another one shortly after, but my bags didn't....they did come later in the middle of the night. Needless to say, I was around lots of coughing sick people on the flights, and my almost-better cold has come back with a vengeance.

BUT...I have my neti pot here, an actual bed, humidifier, etc. So hopefully I'll actually kick this thing soon. I also came back to a house bedecked and lighted, and am enjoying listening to some holiday music (and watching Home Alone). I'll hopefully be all better to sing at a holiday party this weekend for Loveland Opera Theater, and need to practice my behind off to memorize Dorabella in Cosi fan tutte. My schedule from now through early April actually looks pretty full- at least when it comes to performances, auditions, and competitions. Lots of recitative to learn...which is more difficult than the actual musical numbers.

And meanwhile must finally take care of mundane tasks like getting my car registered here. Good thing I got all of my Christmas gifts in Paris, so I don't have to deal with malls or crowds here!

It's always difficult to come back from a big trip and maintain the momentum and excitement from being abroad and working with new colleagues. Since I'm also "new" to Denver, as a professional singer, I actually have to do the same thing here as in Paris, in the way of seeking out new mentors and potential bosses, find opportunities to sing, and create a name for myself. I'm going to register for some actual French classes, and hopefully find a new yoga studio. I won't be wandering around, taking pictures of Gothic cathedrals, but Colorado is a pretty great place to be, and I should use this blog as an excuse to take some nice pictures! I continue to mess around with my website (www.ruthlcarver.com), and need to plan a new recording for sometime in the spring...so there's lots to work on, and I'm glad that music is what I get to spend all day thinking about.

December 12, 2009: Riches

Here's the most awesome thing about travel: not only do you gain experience, knowledge, appreciation of a foreign culture and land, but you get to leave some of your "baggage" behind. I suppose some of this is inherited from my frugal grandmother, but I love taking along with me clothing items, shoes, toiletries that are nearing the end of their days, but I would feel very guilty about throwing away at home. So, for instance, underwear that have old elastic, old bits of soap, shoes with worn soles, all come along on trips, get used prodigiously for a month, and then left behind. It's like the sloughing off of old skins cells...underneath, as you travel back home, you have the new experiences shining all the more brightly.

Of course all this is true (hopefully) for some more metaphorical, psychological baggage as well...like maybe time alone in a foreign place and all of the loneliness and learning that occurs makes you grow. I think this is true. Unless all you do is go to Amsterdam and visit its sundry places of business. Not sure how much psychological growth occurs there.

But me, on the other hand: I had a unusually educational audition yesterday, in which the auditors essentially gave me a coaching on my arias. There advice was very useful, and I wish I'd had my recorder to preserve their thoughts! Last night I went to Rouen again, and saw Il Barbieri di Siviglia, which I'd never seen live before. Today I'm back in Paris and seeing Bach's Christmas Oratorio tonight. The performances I've seen on this trip make me almost embarrassed...these are the riches of the post title. Every performance is learning opportunity, and I'm so glad that I've been able to see so many. And I made some gorgeous paper snow flakes with my little cousin this morning, so I got my own creative juices flowing too.

I've read some wonderful books on this trip (somehow ended up with an abundance of murder mysteries...)

1. Case Histories by Kate Atkinson

2. The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold

3. The Selected Writings of Lady Gregory

4. How the Irish Saved Civilization by Thomas Cahill

5. some of The Penguin Book of Historic Speeches (good section on Irish history)

6. Careless in Red by Elizabeth George

7. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows

and yes, I'm going to have to purchase something else tomorrow or at the airport to read on the plane. I used to read a lot, and in the past few years since undergraduate studies, I've found it hard to find anything that I could finish. Maybe it's a state of mind. In any case I'm glad I'm back in the state where reading is more enjoyable than watching most TV, even if it's just a good murder mystery.

Tomorrow is the last full day, which will be spent packing, searching out a few remaining gifts, and hopefully seeing a friend and an uncle. I've been homesick nearly the whole time, but now I'm feeling the melancholy of leaving this time behind. I have to trust that my future holds more such adventures. Indeed when I get home, I have a lot of digesting of information to do, the learning of two roles to complete, and the planning of some more auditions and competitions. Having this time to just be and absorb so much wonderful feedback has been remarkable.

December 10, 2009: the end is near

After my audition tomorrow morning, I will be in serious "last weekend in Paris" mode.

I got back from Germany this evening, and boy has this last week gone quickly. You wouldn't think that spending a few days in a town of 2000 would be that exciting, but it really flew by and was filled with study and practicing and more study, all within the setting of this little Schloss. Last night I joined my coach and her husband at a neighbor's Christmas party, with the intention that we might play/sing a few songs for the guests. This is not normally the kind of thing I like doing....the introvert in me loves playing dress-up and getting into character on stage, but does not really love just standing in front of a bunch of people 3 feet away and singing. But I took the

opportunity just to give my nerves and sightreading a test- we didn't plan or practice anything beforehand. It's good to know some skills just work even when you're not in your ideal performing zone. And they fed us delicious spaeztle and some sort of almond mousse with red currants. Mmmm.

I got a chance to walk around the Christkindlesmarkt today, fortunately during a brief sunny spell. There are hundreds of stalls, but they all sell variations on a few items: 1. Wurst, 2. Gluehwein, 3. Lebkuchen and other sweets, and 4. Christmas decorations. I did my duty and had a hot mug of the wine...and I have to admit I was tempted to break my moral code

and eat what looked to be delicious sausages.

Nuernberg is a lovely town and it's so fun to see what it must be like to live in a city that's been around so long. Can't really do that in the States.

So I am preparing mentally for the audition tomorrow, and hopefully will put all of my recent coaching to good use. Mantra: Have no fear!

December 8, 2009: Practice makes permanent

An old orchestra conductor of mine used to say that to us in rehearsal...I suppose the point is that our minds and bodies are creatures of habit, and we're very good at learning something and then sticking to it. Studying voice should theoretically be incredibly easy since the speaking and singing go hand in hand and we learn how to use our voices from the moment of birth. If only that were the case! I don't know about anybody else, but sometimes I have to work to find this easy place where there is only 'good tension.' It's amazing how conscious and unconscious muscle tension can make all the difference between sounding good in your own head and sounding good in a huge opera house. And of course the whole point of this is to be able to share my sound and use it to communicate to others!

I am currently in the teeny, tiny hamlet of Henfenfeld, near Nuremberg...which could not be more different from Paris. It is placid and quiet, with one church, one bakery, one castle, for some reason two banks, and no grocery store. But there's more breathing room here, so it makes a nice change of pace from the big city. I'll get to go into the Christkindlmarkt soon, and maybe get an ornament or two. It's so nice to see how different communities and cultures celebrate this season!

December 6, 2009: Grampus Day!

Some may know it as St. Nicholas Day, but in my family it's always been called Grampus, the Austrian name for the Saint's sidekick who would theoretically accompany him and punish the naughty children while the good ones got candies and oranges. Not sure why we celebrate the bad guy...in any case, normally we leave our boots out the night before and wake in the morning to find a few little treats within them, and maybe an onion or something if we've been a little bad throughout the year. Although it's very similar to the whole Santa/Christmas tradition that America celebrates, I've always been happy that our family kept this tradition alive too.

Well, I certainly have boots here in Paris (and very glad I brought them too!), and in the past I have left myself whatever goodies St. Nicholas/my mom has sent. I skipped it this year (maybe skipping Thanksgiving and Grampus Day will make Christmas all the more special?) mostly because it's sort of odd to buy yourself chocolates and then put them in your boots, and then wake up the next morning to be "surprised" by the Saint's visit. Also I'm still not feeling well, and chocolates shockingly don't sound that appetizing. I've promised myself that later today I'll try to go out and find something delicious, whether it be chocolate, a pastry, or maybe a hot tea somewhere.

Woke up today feeling worse, with the congestion down in my chest; I know this is a good thing that it's moving down, and hopefully all out in the next day or two...all the same I went to the only supermarche that was open and got some garlic, honey, lemon, and some more tea. I'm trying the raw garlic with honey remedy that I've heard about before although you're really supposed to take it as soon as you start feeling sick. I figure it can't hurt- I just smell a lot.

Yesterday I had a lesson with the mezzo Jennifer Larmore, who is fabulously nice and very caring. I had been sort of worried, trying to prioritize what I wanted to sing for her and what she might be able to help me with the most. Of course in the end we spent the whole time on a single aria! It was a very helpful lesson, primarily because of her insight into my psyche...the way she said a few things helped really crystallize ideas I've had or known about for a while now. Sometimes, you just need someone to express something in a certain way, and it all makes sense. She immediately saw my desire to perform, to entertain, and express- and some of the psychological things I do that might interfere with my actual singing. I know I'm far from alone in this boat- 97% of the singers/musicians I know are at least a little neurotic!

One of the central themes was commitment/ownership. There are a lot of words you can use to describe this mentality- confidence, self-assurance, assertiveness, etc. - but it comes down to in the moment you walk on stage, believing and knowing that you are the only one who can do what your about to do (so you damn well better do it!). I always get in character when I'm singing an aria, or try to express the poetry of a song...but it is true that I don't always allow myself to fully be in the moment, with the knowledge that I'm doing all that I know how to do, and there's nothing to worry about. Another teacher, Carol Kirkpatrick, call this part of the brain "the Brat." The part that hears the last note you sang, and tells you it could have been better, the part that the second before you open your mouth, tells you not to screw up that high note...in other words, self-doubt. In more positive terms, I need to practice this kind of mental preparation and affirmation daily.

I know this sounds so basic, and even a little like psycho-babble, and it's true that I've heard it before. I think this is the first time I've understood how parts of my personality (me) and my voice are connected...and indeed the things I need to practice for performance can maybe help with the rest of my life. I always feel better when I finally make a decision after a long, long period of waffling or limbo (where to go to school, where to live, what plane ticket to buy, etc.), so it should transfer to my singing as well. I want to be an opera singer! It's my voice, I'm the only one making it, giving it, using it.

This is more of a pep talk to myself, btw. Yes, I'm a little neurotic too.

December 5, 2009:

There is a downpour outside at the moment, making me all the more glad that I took the sunny opportunity to walk around Montmartre yesterday. Yes, Montmartre, the San Francisco of Paris, with its hills and staircases, sex shops, and gorgeous cathedral. It was still bitterly cold outside when the wind picked up, but sun in Paris in the winter...can't help but go outside.

I took basically all of the same pictures last summer when I was here, but that was before the great computer crash of 2008, in which I lost all of my photos from my trip to Paris-Montepulciano-Nuremberg. But it's always interesting to see the Sacre Coeur, which is just so different from the other great cathedrals of Paris. They tend to the gothic, dark, with extra pillars and small spaces, while Sacre Coeur is so light and open, with all its modern stained glass and colorful mosaics. This time I also wandered around the cemetery... not quite as many hip graves as some of Paris' other cemeteries, but it certainly has some good ones: Degas, Offenbach, Foucault, Berlioz, etc. (speaking of whom - both Symphonie Fantastique and the Requiem premiered on this day in 1830 and 1837 respectively).

I'm still praying the sinus/ear infection (?) I have doesn't get worse. So far I can still sing and feel mostly fine; just blowing my nose and dealing with some pressure in my cavities. Which is good because I need to stay healthy for at least the next week! I have a lesson this evening with a very wonderful singer...will write more later about that. Finally have another audition scheduled for next week, and am still going to Germany to work on some of my German roles there (Orlofsky from Die Fledermaus and the ladies from Die Zauberfloete).

Last night went to another concert: the soprano Annick Massis, who makes me glad I'm not a soprano, so I don't have to sing all of these notes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4AGF2R6K1E (skip to 2:00 for her aria). Wow.

December 3, 2009: Crossing fingers...

against getting sick right now. Since yesterday, I've felt the always joyous symptom of post-nasal drip (always makes me want to sing Adelaide's Lament from Guys and Dolls), which usually accompanies a sinus infection. I started getting these pretty regularly a few years ago, have used all the remedies possible (steroids, Neti pot, sprays), but of course I have none of those with me in Paris! Thank goodness for the English speaking pharmacy around the corner. I had looked up the words for "throat," "drip," and "nasal" before going there, so I probably could of made myself clear in French, but my dictionary doesn't have an entry for "mucus" so it's good that he understood English. So I have an expectorant and am so far feeling fine besides the drip, so I'm hoping it stays that way. So far this fall/winter, I've been miraculously healthy.

Had a good coaching yesterday, and had planned to go listen to it today in the Louvre. Yesterday

it was nasty outside, and advertised to be the same today, however when I actually walked outside, the sun was peeking through clouds and it felt oddly balmy. So I stopped to eat my lunch outside the gorgeous gothic cathedral St. Eustache - a sandwich from my favorite bakery I've found so far, on my favorite street (Montorgueil) filled with cafes, cheese shops, bakeries, two chocolate shops, etc, etc. Had to snap a photo while the sun shone so brightly for a few minutes.

By the time I got down to the Louvre, it was nice enough that I thought maybe I should do something outside and take advantage of the weather. Well, in the end, I had no choice. The employees of Louvre were (in classic French fashion) protesting something or other and the museum was temporarily closed. I found a nearby bench in the Tuileries and started listening...and of course then the clouds gathered and a freezing wind. I listened for a half hour before I had to give up and wander in the shops of the Carrousel. Good thing too- I found a gift that I've actually been keeping my eyes open for for years.

It's been a sad few days, as one of my dogs did pass away on Tuesday. You pretty much know this is going to happen with pets (that you'll outlive them), but it doesn't make it much easier when the time comes. She was a great dog and fabulous companion and I'll miss her.

November 30, 2009: Oh, the days dwindle down

So this is officially the start of "Week 3," which is weird and frightening- time is moving differently for me here: the short winter days, the first week marred by jetlag, the lack of a 9-to-5 schedule. It's hard being away from home this time of year- every time I pass a florist shop that has Christmas trees for sale, I ever so quickly think about, and then dismiss, the ridiculous idea of buying one. Many streets have lights hanging, and of course storefronts have their decorations up, and Paris has a nice wintry festive spirit right now...so I'm trying to absorb that when I'm out and about and not get too sentimental!

Yesterday, I had a brief trip up to Rouen where I have family. We took a lovely walk around town in the late afternoon, and it's easy to see why artists have been so inspired by this cathedral! Gorgeous. Rouen also has a little market set up in this central square with vendors and mini-carousels, etc.

Trying to concentrate on the music is hard with all of this stuff going on outside and also some bad news from home (not one, but two "puppies" [who are actually teenage dogs] are nearing the end, and I hope I can see them before they go). I'm trying to remember the feelings I had last week after hearing beautiful concerts/seeing artwork...it's this art that can help sustain us at times, and it certainly helps motivate me to keep up my practicing and education!

I am happy to be getting really started on another project I've had in mind for a while; I have several ideas for opera libretti or song cycles, and I brought some research along with me. It's very much in the early stages...but I find it hard to believe that there hasn't been an opera written yet on Irish themes of mythology and history. Maybe I'm one of only a few people who has any interest in this, but Ireland is just so operatic! So that's what I'm working on...just don't ask me to write the music!

November 27, 2009: La vie, c'est belle

I didn't exactly have the traditional Thanksgiving yesterday, but it was a wonderful day of experiencing the beautiful things in life. The things that make you forget, at least temporarily, all of the horrors in the world.

A: I had coffee with a facebook friend, who I had never really spoken to in real life. Kind of nice to overcome the apathy that facebook or other online networks can effect; I already knew a bunch of things about her by reading her profile, but it was nice to actually talk and get to know each other the old fashioned way!

B: I walked over toward the Musee Rodin, where I'd never been before and always heard it was fabulous. Well, it was. I don't know much about sculpture, and am not normally moved by it, but let me tell you that several of his pieces made me tear up. I don't know how he made marble and clay have such movement and intensity, but I'm sure glad he did. For stone to somehow capture human emotion (as in his piece Meditation) speaks to the power of the human mind, its creativity and spirit...

C: Walked to the Theater Champs-Elysees to get a ticket for a recital - Mattias Goerne singing Brahms' Die Schoene Magelone. He's not a household name like some of his opera-singing colleagues, but for people who like art song and oratorio, and especially German lieder, he's considered a current great [see here for some beauty: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUvfkWxsxZY]. I didn't know this piece too well, and it's very different from a normal vocal recital. The songs are interwoven into narration telling the old chivalric story of the wooing of the beautiful princess Magelone. The whole performance, involving the narrator, the singer, and the pianist, was a perfect example of chamber music/performance; they all contributed to the miracle- bringing to life something that was written ~150 years ago, with a story several centuries old. It too brought me to tears. Funny thing about French audiences that I've experienced so far - they don't seem to be that into it, but then they demand multiple curtain calls and cheer for several minutes.

Today I had another coaching. We tried on a few more arias for size, and I continue to feel excited to keep exploring what to put on my list. I went to a market street nearby, got my bottle of Beaujolais Nouveau to try, some more delicious bread, and chocolates to give as gifts. Went back to the music shop, and yes, bought a few more things. This time, I found more used scores that were in good shape and heavily reduced, so I couldn't resist! Then walked down to the Xmas street fair again just to be out and about on this sunny afternoon. I considered going to the opera again tonight, but I've seen a lot of concerts this week, and frankly a night off seemed like a good idea!

November 26, 2009: Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm doing all of nothing to celebrate the day here...not that I'm not thankful, intensely, for so many things right now, but without family to gather around a table, the holiday loses some of its magic. I will be seeing my family that lives in France this weekend, so that will make up for not doing much in the way of festivities today.

Yesterday was a productive day of cleaning the apartment- amazing how dusty such a small space can get. Of course not having screens on the windows helps; as does the fact that apparently a former tenant had a cat, and whoever cleans this place normally obviously doesn't do that detailed of a job. The intake for the heater and the baseboards were coated in cat hair. Mmm. Not that exciting perhaps, but it's so much better to sing and breath in a space that's a little less dirty.

I walked around part of the 5th arrondissment, seeing the lovely St. Etienne du Mont, which to my mind is more lovely architecturally than the Notre Dame. Past the impressive Sorbonne and the many other schools that are lumped in this neighborhood, all in a pretty steady rain.

My coaching today focused on Dorabella from Cosi fan tutte. I have a lot of work to do on the recitatives and some of the ensembles, but we made great headway on the duets and trio, and continued to explore Mozartean style. I love the music and it feels so good to be doing right!

Speaking of music done right, I saw a concert performed by members of the Opera Bastille's young artist program and the opera orchestra. It was a program of Berio, and Berio-arranged works by Weill and the Beatles. There had been a last minute cancellation by one of the singers, so two others took her place, and there were a few glitches because of this. But overall a very lovely concert, and always good to hear some new music. For percussionists, a question: would you rather be the one playing the vibraphone, kickdrum, glockenspiel, and 4 gongs, OR the one playing marimba, timpani, chimes, 3 gongs, and cowbells? (And I've only listed about a quarter of the instruments they actually play during the piece Circles). One of the percussionists got so into it at one point, he hit one of the little chimes off of his glockenspiel. Now that's commitment.

The street leading to my coach's home is lined with pretty creepy children's clothing shops (of the sort that are filled with cardboard boxes and have fluorescent lighting). Several of them have creepy mannequins, but these are the creepiest of all. Hard to tell from the photos, but the have yellow eyes, and obviously the girl lost an arm along the way. Is this really how you want to advertise your merchandise? Thankful this is not my street!

November 24, 2009: mes pauvres pieds

If I don't lose a few pounds on this trip, I'll know there's something wrong with me. I walk a lot today. I left this morning to go to the music store district; there is something so beautiful about a whole long block with almost nothing but luthiers and sheet music stores. And that there's a lutherie for violas, some specifically for les contrebasses... I didn't find what I was looking for, but I found a few other things (it's probably good that I didn't find everything, because I would definitely have to get another piece of luggage). It's also nice that music stores haven't disappeared completely. Trust me, I love the ease of going online to order sheet music, find almost everything you need in one place, but it's so nice to go into a store and browse, not to mention support a small business. I then walked down to the Avenue Montaigne, and felt like a total schlub walking by all Fendi, Vuitton, Escada, etc. in my New Balance sneakers...I was en route to a theater where there's a concert I want to see later this week, and I wanted to get a ticket in advance in case it was sold out. But of course the ticket office was closed.

I was so close to the Eiffel Tour, I decided to keep going for a little longer, and walked toward it along the Seine (this is going on hour 3 of walking). It was lovely and there were all ages of school children playing in the park at the base of the tower. Also passed the very cool plant-covered exterior of the Museum of the Quai Branly (see above)...this is kind of what my dream house might look like.

Spent the rest of the afternoon laying down for a bit, practicing. I tried to go to the opera again, this time for La Boheme, but was told there would be no more student tickets sold because the line was already so long. Will have to decide next time how long I want to stand in line...I think one really needs to get there 1.5 hrs before show at least.

I've had contact with a few more coaches/teachers, and my schedule for the rest of the trip is filling up quickly. Should be exciting : )

And just because: so much depends upon...

November 23, 2009: Un jour gris et pluvieux

I can't say much exciting happened today: it's nasty, cold, and wet outside, and my plan to take a long walk to the music shops was very unappealing. I stayed in and practiced this morning before my coaching, kind of wishing I had a pianist who could just follow me around and play whenever I needed. Sometimes practicing with a roll-up electric piano on your futon isn't particularly inspiring! Mostly, it's that if it's not on a hard surface, when you press one key, two notes often sound. I wanted to get more feedback on a number of arias, so I chose a few and focused on those. The coaching was good and aimed at fleshing out the rest of my audition package of 5 or 6 arias. Funny how just when you think you have a good list (if you'd asked me a month ago, I would have felt pretty confident about mine), somebody points out the flaws. The ideal is that every aria you offer at an audition should sound fantastic in your voice, have some personal interpretation, and that among the group you should be able to show contrasting qualities, styles, and languages. For a young singer (and I think some older ones) this is damnably hard. One ought not sing things that are too big, or in a language one's not so familiar with, but all the applications and websites demand it... not to go into a diatribe about this. On my list, I had three arias that were all kind of sad and slow. One of them I love, but is now feeling too low for me - the tessitura isn't quite right. So my coach advised to replace it with something that was more perfectly "me." Another reason I've been wanting to go the sheet music store is that he's recommended several things for me to look at. I've already entered a few competitions with arias that I now might want to change...sometimes you just have to stick with what you've got if you can't learn and perfect something new in time, or withdraw from a competition. I'll have to make those decisions down the line, but I'd love to have another aria that feels like a better fit.

After the coaching, it was really raining, and the walk to the stores definitely wasn't happening. All of sudden, trying to go see Twilight was a much more appealing option. And that's what I did. Can't say it was a good movie, but it was fabulous in it's own way. So many aching looks and tortured gestures. Funny that I wanted the books to be longer, but the movie to be shorter. Towards the end, the ridiculous "original" music got to be just too much.

Tomorrow, if all goes according to plan, I WILL get out and about more.

November 22, 2009: Dimanche

I finally had a close to normal night of sleep- well, I was still up until about 2am, but woke at a decent hour actually feeling ready to go. I practiced several things; after the first week here of coaching, I wanted to reprioritize what I brought to sing. I brought a few short roles and one huge role that I wanted to get feedback on, but I'm realizing one month is just too short to do all of that. I could spend all day in my room practicing and then maybe I'd be able to get through everything in my coachings, but that would kind of defeat part of the purpose of being here. No, this isn't purely a vacation for me, but it would be unhealthy for me to stay in this studio all day. And honestly, walking around and being a part of the culture of Paris is just as enlightening and educational as learning a new role.

Today for instance: after I practiced, I made my way down to the Bastille to see about maybe getting rush tickets to Salome. I found that the lovely neighborhood between me and Bastille turns into a pedestrian zone on Sundays, so it was a nice walk through the narrow streets filled with people looking into the many boutiques. I was early enough that I then walked around the other side of the Bastille for a while as well. I got in a line that appeared to be for people under 28 years old (kind of hard to tell when there's a huge throng of people!).

Finally, about 20 minutes before the performance, they start selling the remaining full price seats to the line I was in for a huge discount. I can only guess, but the seat I got was in the front of the orchestra, so it was definitely more than 100 euros, and I got it for less than a quarter of that! Huzzah. I love Salome and have studied it in classes a few times before, but had never seen it live. Very few (really no) sympathetic characters...but yes on the below-the-waist nudity and some very good singing. Salome was sung by Camilla Nylund, who ended up being fabulous, but I was a little distracted for the first part of the opera because something about her hair/costume and general characterization reminded me so much of Jennifer Saunders' character (Edina) on Absolutely Fabulous. Nylund's Dance of the Seven Veils was just so crazy and rather uncoordinated at times, that it seemed like something Edina would do.

It was one of those weather-can't-make-up-its-mind days:

sometimes sunny, sometimes a cold wind, sometimes sprinkling. When the opera ended, it was lovely and cold and just about winter twilight, so I decided to walk some more and ended up at the Notre Dame (ate a delicious citron crepe en route). I almost didn't go because there had just been a busload of people, but went in to find a service going on. It was an evensong, and the choir was singing so I stayed for while. The acoustics in there are spectacular.

Watching other singers is always educational, and today was a fine day of learning. I have some more coachings lined up this week, and possibly 2 auditions next, then Germany, and then it'll all be over! Trying not to think about that...

November 21, 2009: Hiver Wonderland

I spent much of the afternoon walking about, almost at random, and discovered a gaudy winter wonderland of stalls selling Gluehwein/Vin Chaud, scarves, churros, taffy, etc. along the Champs d'Elysees to the west of the Place de la Concorde. There was a little rollercoaster in the form of Santa's sleigh, and tons of piteous pine trees sprayed with the fake white snow stuff lining the street.

My trip started out less sugary; I wanted to find some place sort of nice to sit and listen to my recordings of the coachings I've had so far. I ended up on a bench near the Hotel des Invalides, with a view of the Eiffel Tower on the horizon and the Grand Palais across the Seine. I listened for about an hour, taking notes and probably looking mysterious. But it was a bit chilly with a breeze, so I took off across the river and that's when I found the aforementioned wonderland. It was just so surprising to walk past the ornate and grandiose facades of the Palais to suddenly come upon that Santa rollercoaster. I had just taken all of these wonderfully artistic black and white photographs coming across the Alexandre III bridge...

I meandered back up towards my 'hood via the Square de Madeleine which was decorated more tastefully for the holidays, and is filled with all sorts of shiny baubles and silky undergarments I'll never be able to afford (Cartier, Hermes, La Perla...etc.). But I stopped by a few of the fancy food shops and saw the most beautiful display of fruits ever. I could have gotten a little cup of blackberries for 10 euros, but I didn't want to throw off the symmetry of the display...right? I did indulge in a little Christmas shopping at Fauchon, which somehow makes it look reasonable to charge 150 euros for a box of chocolates. I got some very teeny boxes of other delicacies. All in all, a delightful afternoon.

Tonight I may indulge in some guilty Americana and see Twilight: Chapitre 2: Tentation (New Moon for the rest of us). I figure the dialog will be simple enough for me to understand the dubbing... ; )

Faure in Paris

On my “day off” yesterday, I was choosing what to practice and take for my coaching today- well of course nothing seemed more perfect than a set of Faure melodies. I am preparing a whole bunch of repertoire for competitions coming up in the next few months, some of which require songs in addition to opera arias, and I knew that I definitely wanted to work on the French set of songs while I was here. One always needs help perfecting foreign diction, but I was also hopeful that I’d get some insight into STYLE.

Boy did I. It was one of those times every musician or artist (or person) hopes for- when everything seems to come together and gel. We talked about how songs differ inherently from arias in that there’s no specific story to tell, and most songs happen so quickly that one can’t hope to express a complete story anyway. With the Faure songs we worked on, which are just so French, one must simply communicate a mood, and let the words and notes do the rest. The poetry slips by in a series of images like one of those old Kinetoscope films. Much of this 19^th-century French song was being written at the same time as Impressionist painters were working - capturing visual images as impressions, not as precise realist renderings. As I sang, we did away with the very studied French diction and rhythm, and went for one big phrase. Some of these songs only last for a minute or so, so it makes sense not to belabor any single clause or word or note. By the end, I felt like everything clicked, and some of this attitude and approach can be applied to my other repertoire. I sometimes try too hard!

Leurs course vestes de soie,

Leurs longues robes a queue,

Leur elegance, leur joie

Et leur molles ombres bleues

Tourbillonnent dans l’extase

D’une lune rose et grise,

Et la mandolin jase

Parmi les frissons de brise.

[from ‘Mandoline’ by Paul Verlaine]

We also bemoaned my fate of being American- with all of our back vowels and consonants, it can be very hard to manipulate our tongues to form what’s necessary for singing in other languages!

I was informed about the music street- where there are luthiers and sheet music shops aplenty, and I may have to stop by there this weekend. I already brought one whole suitcase of music with me, why bring back a little more? Right? I love sheet music.

A bit of explanation about the name: “lady-traveller” was a term that came into use in nineteenth-century England (hence the spelling with two ‘l’s) to describe a handful of women who travelled the world and made an income from their experiences, usually by selling their travelogues. The whole history of travel writing is quite fascinating, but I became taken with these lady travellers during my undergraduate studies and wrote my thesis about one of the more famous of them, Isabella Bird. Perhaps because they stepped beyond the confines of the domestic sphere in which they were supposed to reign supreme, and showed courageous curiosity to see and understand the world outside Britain, I feel a sort of affinity with them. Anyone of my family or friends will tell you I am nothing if not domestic- I love to cook, arrange furniture, decorate for holidays- but I always have a desire for a change of scenery after a while. I’ve been fortunate to get to travel a good deal in my life so far, usually just short bits of vacation, but in the past few years I have been singing abroad in various programs, and love the experience of working with all sorts of people with whom I would not normally come into contact. Two years ago, at a small program (International Singers Academy of the Elysium Between Two Continents Festival), I met and shared a dialog with a Phillipino Benedictine nun who shared my name! This is, I think, most every singer’s dream: to travel the world performing, being in rehearsal where you have to switch between 4 different languages to communicate, and to somehow still communicate all the beauty and passion and truth found in music.

My current trip to Paris is just another chapter in my search. I’m looking for guidance on what I need to improve, and seeking inspiration at every turn. Going home again means nothing if the lady-traveller has nothing to share.

This evening I saw an incredible performance. I was planning on getting a rush ticket to see Salome at the Opera Bastille but at the last minute decided to head over to the Opera Garnier where there was dance performance. It was simply titled after the three choreographers’ works which were featured: “Millepied/Paul/McGregor.” Suffice it to say that I cried with joy at the beauty of the dances.

I am no dance critic, but the pas de deux of the “blue” couple in Millepied’s piece “Amoveo” was heart-breakingly beautiful. It was extremely difficult, with many, many slow-motion lifts and holds and both dancers performed with amazing grace- controlled yet free. I love watching dance because it somehow reminds me of what I want to be as a singer. A dancer can’t do any move or even little connecting motion halfway because they will potentially injure themselves or their colleagues. In my coaching yesterday we spoke about follow-through and not letting any little note “drop” or get left by the wayside. I am guilty of the singer complex- worry about the high note, or the low note, or whatever single note has you worried, and therefore neglect the rest of them to a certain extent! A great performer sings every note, not just a glorious floated high whatever. Watching all of these fabulous dancers tonight reminded me of that again. Fluidity. Dancers have every part of their body to worry about. It would seem that singers have an easier job; mostly we just have to manage our breath. Anyone who has taken yoga understands that breath IS the body and can be subverted by all kinds of bodily stresses and unconscious actions. It sounds so much easier to do than it is for most of us. That’s why I’m still studying! Breath is freedom and control and is the only thing that makes the music happen. Got to remember that in my next lesson!

November 18, 2009: Soleil!

Yes, it was sunny today!

My coaching this afternoon was good- any other singer will empathize with this- but so totally draining. It was one of the ones where you stop and pick apart basically every other note and analyze what you're doing wrong. Part of it was that we worked on two Mozart arias, and his music is so good at revealing the slightest flaws. And when it's right it's so right! We worked on arias that I don't know as well (Deh, per questo istante solo from La clemenza di Tito and E Amore un ladroncello from Cosi fan tutte) so it made sense that I wasn't quite as secure on words and phrasing. The big message of the day was that I, as a performer, need to know what's coming up and think in bigger phrases, so it doesn't sound like I'm surprised by the music coming out of my mouth. Very useful for everything else too! Sometimes I get too bogged down in what I know I just messed up that then I continue to mess myself up...must never forget that music is temporal and you can't hold on to any single moment. My coach has said both yesterday and today that one can never hold onto music, that you must "Give! Give!" I think this is part of it too- if you aren't ready to perform, you will automatically hold onto parts of your music, checking to see if you sang the right words, did the ornament before the beat, whatever it was that you were worried about. It's hard to do this in coachings when you are in fact there in the midst of the learning process, not at the end of it, so you are by nature going to have some hesitation.

I met another young American singer who was having a coaching after me, and we are having coffee next week, so all hope is not lost- I won't go for a whole month without socializing!

After my coaching I was so tired, I was tempted to lie down again....But I rallied since the afternoon was so lovely, and made my way down to the Louvre. I'd been there once before several years ago. I am now the proud possessor of a Carte Louvre Jeunes which anyone under 30 years can purchase as a membership. Because I'm still under 26, mine was only 15 euros,

so even if I go there twice this visit, it will have paid for itself. My plan is that, on days when I don't have anything else scheduled, I'll want to get out of the house, and there are worse places you can go hang out than the Louvre. I have a lot of books, so even if I just go and read for an hour, it will be lovely.

I take it, from all the honking outside, that France just won the France-Ireland football match. Yes there were lots of guys on the street today wearing their green jerseys.

November 17, 2009: Il pleut

Yes, it was a gray, rainy day in Paris...and so far I'm 100% on needing a 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon. Yesterday I thought it was normal given the lack of sleep on the plane, but what was my excuse today?
Well, I did walk to the Opera Bastille this morning, mostly with the goal of getting out of the dorm room, I mean apartment. At the last minute I decided to make use of a contact there I'd been given, for an administrator at the Atelier Lyrique. I managed to tell the security guard who I was looking for and explain that I didn't have an appointment, and he managed to tell me that she wasn't there but would be coming in soon. Of course she rushed in and I didn't know who she was at the time...waited another 20 minutes, then finally the security guard mentioned me to her. Well, she didn't have time at the moment to talk, and explained that all the information was on the website...at least I got to sit down for a little while!

I grabbed a sandwich avec thon and the sandwich guy told me I didn't look like a French girl so he started speaking to me in English. Mind you that he was an immigrant himself. I decided to take that as a compliment (?) since French women smoke and probably have worse teeth than I do. Not saying that I wouldn't kill for the legs on some of these women stalking around on 4 inch heels in mini skirts. The Parisian woman who gets up one morning just not caring, maybe feeling a little under the weather, and just rolls out onto the street STILL looks 8 million times chicer than 99% of American women. It's just sad.

I had my first coaching today and it was great. I was still tired and warming up as I sang, etc., but it was very constructive. As hoped for, it's nice to have someone know so much about style tell what you're missing or have just forgotten along the way. I found I was working too hard, and that everything was there in the music should I choose to actually sing it as written. You get voice teachers and other professionals that tell you that's it's ok in certain places to do your own thing, not get stuck in the squareness of the rhythms, but then my coach today showed me that (duh!) Mozart knew what he was doing and you really can't ignore rhythm and meter, even in recitative, or you lose the character. I have another coaching with the same person tomorrow, so let's hope I can incorporate some of this and be a little more awake.

I'm a little worried about my apartment. I'm fairly sensitive to mold, and I think this place, particularly the tiny salle de douche, is coated in the stuff. The plumbing is kind of, shall we say, rickety? Did I mention that I'm not supposed to flush anything, even toilet paper, down the toilet? Oh yes, I have a little trash can filled with my used toilet paper. I'm sure that's not helping with the whole mold issue. Eww.

November 16, 2009: Arrival a Paris

It sounds crazy that I'm here in the first place; middle of a jobless recession, semi-employed and going to be without health insurance in a few months, not really even conversational in French, etc, etc., so why in the heck am I here?

I had the great fortune of meeting someone this summer at an opera training program who thought I might do well in France and was willing to share a great deal of information and assist in making contacts, so I figured how often do you have someone who helps you that way, and you'd be a damn fool if you didn't somehow act on it. So one purchase of Rosetta Stone French 1-3 and 3 months later, I'm actually here. I have arranged some coachings for myself with French coaches, who ideally will help me improve all of the little technical things that don't always get addressed in a voice lesson: diction, style, those seemingly obvious markings of forte or piu mosso. But other than that I'm on my own. No one is planning this crash course for me, and it's actually pretty scary that I'm in charge of this when I feel drained from so many other things in life.

One month ago I moved myself and my belongings from Baltimore, MD back to Denver, CO where I'm originally from and most of my immediate family still lives. I graduated from the Peabody Conservatory about 2.5 years ago now, and I, as seems to happen to many people, got sucked into Baltimore for longer than I planned. Sounds silly given its terrible roads and notorious crime levels, but Baltimore is actually a very easy, comfortable place to live. It's just big enough to feel like a city but not overwhelming like DC or New York can sometimes be. I

knew I didn't want to move to NYC, where so many young opera singers (and other performing artists) go simply because that's where all the auditions are. I could go on about my reasoning and why I stayed in Baltimore, but that's not necessarily relevant to the whole Paris trip thing. I've been adrift for a while now- moved 4 times this year alone- but that's not stopping me from trying to improve my personal artistry and find more opportunities to sing.

I got here this morning, after a sleepless transatlantic flight. My hope that the No-Jet-Lag pills would have the miraculous effect they'd had on my trip to Ireland earlier this year was in vain. Pills made of dandelion and chamomile can only take you so far I suppose! I'm going to give this day up to finding groceries, napping, and talking another walk, but I have my first coaching tomorrow so I've got to get ready for that too. Who scheduled this?!? [looks sheepishly at self].

I apparently landed myself smack dab in the middle of what is becoming Paris' Chinatown. My grandmother would love it; there are two Chinese groceries and so many restaurants within a block of me. And I can buy all the cheap leather goods and cubix zirconia I want!